Re-entering the Work Force

Dear Frank Manners,

Ten years ago, I decided to put my career on hold so I could stay at home and raise my two boys. Now that they are older, I have decided to re-enter the workforce.

It has been a while since I was in a professional atmosphere. Could you offer any tips on interviewing to get a good job at my age and experience level?

Sincerely, New Working Mom,
NWM

Dear NWM,

First you will need to refresh your resume. There are many different styles and templates of resumes to choose from so just pick one you like. Have a friend help you proofread for errors and to make sure you’re not missing anything. Always dress nicely for your interview. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. You don’t have to spend a lot to look professional. A professional wardrobe can be crafted from a stop at a thrift store or two. You’ll need at least one white shirt, a black skirt or slacks, nylons, and black pumps. This should get you through your interviews and the first day on the job.

In the interview, making the best possible first impression is key. Display a confident attitude while not seeming overly boastful. Give a firm handshake, maintain eye contact, and make sure you are speaking loud enough to be easily heard while you discuss your prior experience. Many women tend to raise the pitch of their voice when they get nervous. As hard as it may be to avoid, fight this impulse. An unnaturally high-pitched voice may belie a lack of confidence. Lastly, there is absolutely no reason to feel or act apologetic about taking a break from your career to raise your family. If and when this question comes up in an interview, simply tell the truth and use it as an opportunity to describe the skills you learned while running a household.

As for what it will be like for you on the job, while much has changed — the internet, new versions of old programs, people many years younger than you working around the office — the basics have remained the same. If you work hard, ask good questions, and behave in a professional manner, you will be fine.

How can I politely get myself out of sticky situations?

Q: I was recently at a dinner party at a friend’s house. All was going well until one of the guests started asking me where my wife was. Although we’ve been married for nine years, we’ve recently decided to divorce. Because it’s so recent, I am not telling many people the details, aside from family and close friends. I didn’t know what to say, so I wound up divulging more information than I really felt comfortable with. In the future, how can I politely get myself out of these sticky situations?

A: In this situation, you have two possible options: lie or tell the truth. Although common morality tells us that lying is bad, telling the inquirer that your wife had prior engagements or was staying home with your children will politely deflect attention from your separation. The second avenue is to tell the truth. Let the questioning party-goer know that you and your wife are separated, and leave it at that. If he
or she asks further questions, just say that it’s still very new and you’d rather not discuss it. If he or she prods deeper, it’s time for you to find someone new to talk to.

Rules of Civility

Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.

Kids like to freak each other out. They quickly learn how fun it can be to jump out suddenly from behind a corner or hide a garden snake in a classmate’s lunchbox. As adults they will learn that good relationships are built on trust. If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust?  Yet pranks and practical jokes still happen all around us, in the movies, at home, or at the office, and they usually take place between friends. Though no harm may be intended, pranks and practical jokes can undermine trust.

Webster’s Dictionary defines a practical joke as ‘a prank intended to trick or embarrass someone or cause physical discomfort.’ Your friend may seem game for a laugh at his or her own expense, but you have no control over the way your actions will be received. Even the most harmless prank may be deeply hurtful to someone. To protect your friendships, it may be best to avoid practical jokes altogether.

Frank Manners articles address the 110 “Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation,” by which George Washington lived and present them in an applicable fashion, both for you, and your children.

Fidgeting and Other Behaviors

“When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered”

With so many people in the United States, it would be impossible for everyone to agree on what is the correct way to behave in public. So, societal rules regarding behavior etiquette have evolved into a universally accepted norm in order for us all to peacefully tolerate one another. Knowledge of the acceptable ways to behave in a variety of social settings is an invaluable asset to one’s character.

A job interview is always dreaded. No matter how nervous you are this is not the time to fidget with your hands, phone, keys or anything else in your pocket. If you have an itch in an inconspicuous place, do not give into the urge. Wait, and the discomfort will shortly pass. Smile and sit with good posture during uncomfortable moments. Remember, you are there to advance your career, not stall it.

When at any meal, be it formal or casual, you must act in accordance. If a personal hygiene matter is bothering you, it is better to excuse yourself to the bathroom than tend to a failed bandage or torn pantyhose issue at the table. Also, never blow your nose at the table unless it is an emergency. Blowing one’s nose is also a matter when excusing oneself is appropriate. When eating, picking teeth is unattractive. The only exception is when the host provides a toothpick. Your goal is to be invited back, not banished from the host’s guest list.

In other social settings such as a party or in other public venues like a grocery store, always remember people are watching and judging you. This is not the place or the time to be biting nails, picking at infected scabs or practicing other filthy habits that will repulse others. Your peers will not soon forget these hideous images. Remember, the actions you present in front of others determine how you are viewed in society.

The developed society we are fortunate to live in has accepted these general principals as normal. Any deviation from the norm will only cheapen your reputation and you will only be hurting yourself. 

Table Manners

When George Washington was sixteen years old he wrote down a list of 110 “Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.” This list of rules, found in a 16th century guidebook, was intended to assist him in shaping his behavior in order to improve his general moral fiber.  From rules such as – How to comport oneself in company or how to take and give criticism or general guidelines on table manners, Washington took these rules seriously and worked hard to follow them.  In so doing, he put in place a groundwork that served him well his entire life. As an adult, Washington was well respected, not only for his accomplishments, but for how he comported himself in public. Today, the practice of such rules has become even more of a rarity than it was during Washington’s lifetime.

Of course, Americans always admire those who are naturally dignified. In sports, entertainment, or politics, it is clear to us when someone is well respected.  On the other hand, we’ve all run into many rude, obnoxious or selfish people, and sometimes it seems as if a majority of people have little grasp of etiquette and how to behave respectfully toward others. Fortunately, it is not impossible to teach your children the same etiquette lessons Washington used to distinguish himself.

Subsequent Frank Manners articles will address the rules by which Washington lived and present them in an applicable fashion, both for you, and your children. While some of the rules are a little stuffy, the majority of them are still highly relevant today.

Learning To Say “You’re Welcome”

As the years pass, it seems that American’s language, dress and actions have become more and more casual. This is not always to the benefit of our children.  In order for them to grow up to understand that correct social graces can have a beneficial effect on how they are viewed, they must be taught. Here’s something you can help them with: learning to say “you’re welcome.”

What do you say when someone says “thank you?” If you say anything other than “you’re welcome,” then you are practicing lazy language usage.  Why can’t “No problem,” “No Biggie,” or, even worse, the texting inspired “NP” be acceptable? Because no matter how you say it, it’s not professional and it gives the wrong impression of you to the person with whom you are speaking. Let’s say you go to open a savings account at your bank and have to spend time doing hours of paper work and making many decisions, you thank your banker and get the response of “No problem.” Well, it may not have been a problem for them, but it sure was a hassle for you. “No problem,” can also subtly imply that if the task was a problem there’s a chance that the person would not provide help. By responding “You’re welcome” when someone thanks you, you show that you have pride in what you say and do and that you appreciate the thanks.  Remember that every relationship, no matter what, is reciprocal.

“You’re welcome,” may seem somewhat traditional to some of you, but most people will appreciate the sincerity of your response. Grandma is fond of telling young people in our family that “No Problem,” is a poor man’s response, but no matter how poor or rich you may be, “You’re Welcome” will stick with people as genuine and therefore, so will you.

Keeping Your R.S.V.P. Organized

Spring is the season for weddings, baby showers and dinner parties. You can keep yourself, your social calendar and your gracious host organized by always sending a proper R.s.v.p. in response to an invitation.

Notice, that our subject is R.s.v.p. etiquette rather than R.S.V.P or RSVP. The correct way to represent the French sentence “Répondez s’il vous plait” meaning “Kindly give me an answer” is by denoting ‘R.s.v.p.’ on an invitation. However, if you receive an invitation requesting that you R.S.V.P., you should not assume that the host is shouting at you, as this has mistakenly become the commonly accepted form.

It is an unfortunate occurrence when a host of a dinner party, wedding or other social engagement must resort to phoning his or her invitees because they have failed to R.s.v.p. There are three simple rules of etiquette that will avoid such a social faux pas.

First, upon receipt of an invitation, respond within a week. The idea is to be an accommodating guest by honoring the request of the host, not to build suspension to make the event more interesting.

Second, respond with the same (or higher) degree of formality used in the invitation. On a formal invitation, the ‘R.s.v.p’ appears in the lower left corner. Invitees should know to respond with a handwritten note of acceptance or regret on quality stationary with the following structure:

Mr. Frank Manners
accepts with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. SK&H’s kind invitation for
Saturday, the Eighteenth of April
at eight o’clock
Mrs. Manners
regrets exceedingly
that she will be unable to accept.

Often the invitation will specify a telephone number or email address to which you may reply. A prompt call or e-mail would replace the more stiff response outlined above.

Finally, keep in mind that the response itself is a social act. Regrettably declining an invitation due to a prior engagement, emergency, or even an unspecified reason can still be considered a respectful response. Just be sure to follow up by sending any appropriate wedding gift, baby shower gift or card.

Support and Encouragement

The art of generosity and giving congratulations to others is a valuable life lesson to teach your children, especially as the weather begins to get warmer and children start to participate in more outdoor competitive sports and activities.

It can be especially difficult for your child to congratulate a friend on an accomplishment such as making a sports’ team, when they didn’t make it themselves. Encourage your child to put their own feelings aside for a moment and support a friend who has excelled. Do however listen to your child’s disappointments and doubts, and take them seriously. Let your child know that their feelings are important while stressing the importance of being gracious to others.

Remember that the activity is about the child, not you. Don’t let your ego or worry about the outcome of the activity effect your child’s enjoyment and performance. Set a good example by giving praise and encouragement to other children as well as your own, and never ridicule a child for making a mistake or performing poorly.

The best way to teach a child is by setting a good example. What they see you do has a huge impact on how they will act themselves. Act the way you would want your child to act, and treat your friends and peers the way you would like your child to treat theirs. Most importantly, inspire your child to live by this philosophy: “Whatever you give in life comes back to you three-times.” When you make other people’s feelings as important as your own, you open yourself up to great returns.